Here at Dorsey, Wright Money Management, we are lucky enough to have the resources to do a little more research than might be expected from your typical money managers. Specifically, we have agents in the field doing the real work behind the scenes to get us the edge we need to stay ahead in the game.
One of our agents acquired the following slip of paper during some routine “research.” Based on handwriting analysis and the DNA analysis of the tear stains on the paper (it was soaked), we’ve come to the conclusion that this is DEFINITELY Ben Bernanke’s diary…
Dear Diary,
Man o man. March has been so brutal I can’t even take it…testifying on Capitol Hill to those jokers in Congress has done nothing good for my blood pressure. Lucky for me I have been flying to Los Angeles for acting classes so I can speak with a straight face without bursting into tears or rage, depending on who is grilling me. The breathing exercises I learned in class have really really helped me…I hope nobody finds out I’m moonlighting as a thespian just to handle my real job.
The thing that really pisses me off…no wait, there’s three things that really piss me off that nobody can just leave me alone about. The first is obviously the US dollar. I mean I know it’s going to go straight down, but somehow I trick myself into believing that it won’t…that it’ll turn around. It’s an acting trick I learned called Method Acting where I really have to “believe” it’s true, and then it will become true. Or is that The Secret? I get the two confused, but the point is Mind Over Matter. Anyway, everybody knows that as long as we keep buying our own debt and printing cash, each individual dollar’s worth is going to go down. Everybody knows that, right? But then I have to turn around and say something completely different, on TV to a panel of sleeping beauties. It’s rough.
Then there are the jokers in Congress. They complain all day about debt, debt, debt, and then what do they do? Spend more, and then more, and then some more. And this is all somehow my fault? Did I draft the laws that fueled the housing bubble? The way they talk out of both sides of their mouth at the same time is just sick. But, at the same time, they’ve taught me SO MUCH about how to blatantly lie, saying one thing while doing another. They’re a tricky bunch, like I said…I’ve learned a lot from them, but I wish they would get off my back about problems that they started and refuse to own up to.
And then of course there’s the ace in the hole – inflation. Gas prices are going up and food prices are going crazy…lucky for me I like to just chop those two things out of my reports because their prices are a little too volatile for the public to pay attention to (they won’t notice!). Don’t even get me started on gold and silver.
It’s getting kinda late and I have to get up tomorrow really early and go over to Timmy’s house and play some racquetball. Man—it was so hilarious when he got caught not paying his taxes. I ribbed him on that one for weeks.
Sure hope things get better for me soon. Wish me luck, Diary!
